” sorry I cannot make it, can we do it some other time”

“I realized I have….., I don’t think I can make it anymore, sorry;)”

“I am so tired and sick, I’m not going be able to hangout”

and always make sure to end the msg with ” love you!” “you’re awesome!” “miss you!” xoxox” 

Sound familiar? I am not going to lie, I have wrote a few of those to my friends. It seems like that is the cool things to do in this era, cancel ppl last minute, via TEXT. Sometimes, we even take it to the next level, we wait for the other person to text first, and then we respond. If for some reason, neither of us texted each other, then that automatically means its canceled. If one of us did not text each other to confirm on the day of, that probably means that person is no longer interested in hanging out. Yes, we all do that, and for the longest time I was part of this group. Not until these past few months, I have become the victim of this situation too many times by various ppl. one might want to tease me and say ” well maybe no one wants to hang out with you that’s all.” that’s fine with me, but let me know earlier in time, so that I don’t have to already have my day planned and then having to realize that I now have 2 hours of nap time in the car or sitting at starbucks again. I got better things to do in life.

We are the selfish generation, let’s admit it, all we care about is ourselves, because that’s how the media and society has taught us, its a domino effect, you do it to me, then I will do it to you, and eventually we are all doing it to each other, but do we ever realize the aftermath of this? no one trust no one, friendship suddenly become a joke, because you never know who is going to pull an MIA. We are also the generation that cannot handle confrontation and responsibility. Making promises seems more like eating a burger at McDonald, because nothing is real. Our conversations might as well be the same as the workers at Walmart, and when the problem occurs, ie “you don’t feel like commiting to the promise, you make stupid excuses. How sad is it that  we are all easily feeling sick and tired, and no one actually believes in each other. You have no idea how many times I have seen my colleauges call in sick, and the minute my manager hangsup the phone, its always a commit of how lame the excuse was or how much of a liar my colleague is. So what happens when you are actually sick, NO ONE BELIEVES in YOU ANYWAY. Is this really ok? 

Integrity, honesty, responsibility. I begin to put a post-it note on my steering wheels with those words written on there. I am the first one to confess I have the flaky, full of excuses tendancy in me, but now I am going to put a stop to it. 

Let’s learn to say no, when we can’t commit to something, instead of “maybe” “i’ll let yo know.” Let’s learn to be commited to the things we have promised, even if it means dragging your lazy ass out of bed and put on a smile for your friend. 

I have the confidence that as I change my lifestyle, not only will my social life improve, but also in my career. 

Just watch, those who live a lifestyle with Integrity, honesty, responsibility, will outshine those who don’t. Are you in with me?

For the longest time now, I’ve been kinda confused with my current job. I mean it’s a job, but it’s a job that takes me 30 mins to get to, and pays me minimum wage that cannot cover the amount of money I need to survive. It was a job that I frantically took because I needed one to feel secure….but now, it is far from making me feel secure. Yes, its a very chill and laid back place, with amazing food, and not too bad co-workers, but its coming to a point that I am realizing that it is not a place that is logically making sense for me to be working at right now. So with that said, I cannot help but to treat the job somewhat mediocre. Few days ago, my manager actually gave me a verbal warning, that he felt that I was not working hard enough.

On a side note, I for once, did not talk back at all nor defend myself, though I felt like there were some misunderstanding, and actually took in what he said to me wholeheartedly and just respectfully apologized for my actions. Which surprisingly made my manager later on telling me that he felt that i took his criticizim well and that he appreciated my attitude…..not bad for be doing some wrong eh? Lesson learned: its better to listen than to talk sometime.

back to my main story, so tonight, as I was having dinner, Mary’s mom and I had a little chat about life. As I shared with her my current situation regarding work, She encouraged me to always aim to be that person that is so good at the tasks that were given to him, that the company cannot afford not having him. She reminded me that the boss would always want to put the most hard working and brilliant ppl around him and promote them. She randomly brought up that their was a waitress at the restaurant she use to own, that always came to work with the right attitude, and took time to memorize the things that every customer she serves likes. So that when they come again, she will already know of their special needs. In the end of the day, she always attains the most tips out of the whole restaurant. she never saw her job or herself as “not important” but she believed that she was somebody, and those she serves was somebody as well. In the end, not only does she get more tips, but she also becomes good friends with her customers. God put us all at where we are at for a specific reason, and there is always a specific lesson to learn. Don’t take anything for granted, more importantly, don’t waste the opportunity.

coming back to my life right now, this simple and very familiar conversation suddenly hits me deeper than ever. I need to have the right attitude with my life. Whatever I do, do it well, and do it good. Although my dream and goal is to become a successful actor, but along the way, there needs to be some learning happening in life, there needs to be some molding in the personality, so that when the big thing comes, I will be able to handle it well. To bring respect to myself, and to bring glory to God. I am a quality person, so I should show that in the things I do.

I hope this encourages everyone to have the right attitude, because we reap what what we sow.

I’m going to miss Mary’s mom, her good food, and kind heart. Its nice to have a motherly figure around when my mom is literally in another continent.

I tried Lord

I tried Lord

I tried hard to be Your good little boy

Chin up, head high All zeal and no joy

Thinking all my good deeds could please Jesus

Boy, was I wrong…..

Though I knew the right songs, all my cymbals and gongs played the melodies wrong

And it wasn’t long ‘til I saw my disease

A life spent wanting to please

On hands and knees To make right, to appease

God help me please

This can’t be Christianity, it can’t be

The whole thing’s like insanity

Where’s the rest of eternal security?

Where’s the hope of a God big enough to cope with all my hang-ups and insecurities? Certainly this isn’t breathing

My chest burning and heaving It’s like my pulse is ceasing

Like my heart quits beating

Yet this I recall to mind and therefore I have hope:

You died, Lord You died, Lord Assuredly, like the coming of the dawn, the Father’s love song goes on Drowning out my bitter songs And breaking through walls and barriers Christ swoops in, removes sin, picks up His bride and carries her So I can sing in agreement with the King this thing: There’s only one thing that pleases the Father The God-man on the tree in the midst of the scoffers Now I finally see that Christ is what Christ offers And I’m finally free in the love of the Father

                                                                                 Jimmy Needham….

As I finish up my week, I look to the night, and I remind myself: I am good enough. I don’t need to have certain thing to be approved. All I need is God’s approval, and He approves of me. He Loves me, and He will take care of me.

I will STOP being Jealous of others.

I will STOP comparing with others.

I will STOP fighting for entitlement.

I will STOP dwelling on things that are beyond my control.

I will live my life.

I will take it one day at a time.  

I will continue to sing and act whenever and where ever I can, and I am darn good at it;)

I will NOT LET anyone judgments bring me down.

I am who I am, and I believe I will succeed in life.!

Another day of me screaming inside ” I WILL NOT GIVE UP!” NEVER!

I will never understand why things go the way it is sometimes….when you’re that close to getting it, and then it just fails… the wants in my life has gradually gone smaller and less significant…yet, it does not mean it comes to me easier…why God? are we done with the struggling part now? can something good happen to me now…I really need some hope and encouragement. Please God. 

so lately one thing that I have encountered is….all the auditions I go to, are looking for nerdy/geeking/skinny/unAmerican Asians….in other words they are basically saying “Dear Asian actors, please do not work out, stop eating food, and work on ruining your grammar and try to talk like your parents…then you will possibly become famous…Do NOT try to look good….

I am sorry that I am sometimes taller than the white guy, better in shape than the white guy, better looking than the Asian guy next to me…

this is all so STUPID! and still STUPID!

So for those who know Phil Wickam, he is one of my favorite singers. Those who were in Egypt with me, know that Divine Romance was an anthem for the journey. So last Saturday the dude just happened to be in my restaurant. I was so excited, funny enough no one else knew him, and could careless about his existent, so it made it even more important for me to say hi to him and recognize him. He was a chill guy. He was obviously trying to be low key with his girl friend and stuff, so I tried to pretend that It wasn’t that big of deal for me to see him anyway, but honestly though, man, I was pretty stoked. Thanks Phil for all the awesome songs you have shared, they’ve been very encouraging

!

You know… I am happy to be the first one to admit that I am NOT perfect. I make faults all the time, sometimes I drink a little too much than I should have. Sometimes I wish that I am in a relationship for the wrong reasons. My whole life I have been working on controlling my tongue and saying the right things….and I still have a lot to work on. I have things that I struggle with that in many ppl’s eyes might be something to use to judge me.

Still, I am a man with faith, a person that believes in God. Why? because I am not perfect. Daily I deal with things, guilt, anxiety, jealousy, fear, lonelines, feeling there’s no tomorrow, never sure what my future holds, feeling that I am not where I am suppose to be…In the end, I am comforted by my faith, I am encouraged by my faith, I am reminded to do the right things through my faith. I am able to NOT give up, I am able to have hope, I am able to feel satisfied. Some use medication, some see a psychologist ….I depend on my faith…and it sure cost less than the others;)

Tomorrow is Easter, and it reminds me that Christ died on the cross for my sake, so that my sins can be forgiven, that I have a way to heaven. He loves me so much, that He is willing to die for me, so that I can live. I am alive and well, because of my faith.

I am not here to talk about religious politics, nor am I interested in talking about it. Faith: something the eyes cannot see, and science can not prove. But believing in it, brings mircales and hope. Brings comfort and love. 

Being financial independent is NOT EASY, and it takes skills and patience and goals….and sometimes, it might even require you to put your dreams aside.